In a valiant effort to save our Mother Earth, there’s been a strong push in the media to increase our awareness about how we are impacting the environment—from oil/gas usage to recycling paper, metal and plastics. One of my favorite commercials about becoming eco-friendly is the one where they show how far around the earth all of our discarded plastic bottles could stretch, if connected from end to end. Naturally, the first thing that comes to my mind as a sexologist is, “what if we did the same thing with all the discarded condoms in landfills?”
Sexual Health and Healing
Recently I wrote an article for Living Well Magazine about how to become an "Eco-sexual and Go Green in the Bedroom". Now, I want to focus the discussion specifically on Condoms. There are some really great planet-conscious prophylactics out there; unfortunately you won’t find them in most drug stores. In the United States, an estimated 450 Million condoms are sold each year. As you know from reading the article last year, not all condoms are created equal. Natural rubber latex condoms are one of your best choices in terms of biodegradability, second only to Lambskin condoms. Lambskin condoms; however, do not protect against sexually transmitted infections, thus we turn our attention back to natural rubber latex
After sorting through hundreds of Apps on the market that are in any way related to sexual health, intimacy, sexual desire, dating, relationships, sexual performance/functioning, fun & games, toys, flirting, and sex education; I found several that stood out in each category. Far too many to cover in one article… However, there were three that definitely stood above the rest when it came to helping couples with rekindling sexual desire, fostering closeness and connection in the bedroom, and learning new and creative ways of exploring sexual thoughts and fantasies.
One of the most common issues I come across in my work with couples is a lack of quality time together. In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in everything that has to get done at work and at home: long hours at work; home maintenance; running errands; shuttling kids or loved ones from place to place…endless “to-do” lists. Too frequently, I hear couples say that their quality time happens at the end of a long day, when they’re able to just collapse on the couch together
Parenthood…it’s one of the most difficult jobs any of us can hold. The people who choose to take on this monumental task are committing decades of their lives, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year—to being parents. Regardless of all of the other roles and responsibilities in their lives, being a parent becomes a large part of their identity. Through all of the trials and tribulations that come with raising children, their parent’s lives become less focused on their marriage and more focused on the lives of their children.
When someone first calls my office and requests treatment to help them with low sexual desire, or problems with sexual functioning,
one of the first questions I ask them is, “Have you already seen your doctor to have blood work done to rule out a possible medical condition?”
Sexual intimacy is an expected part of a modern day relationship—it is often seen as an expression of love and desire. Most couples are typically very sexual at the beginning of their relationship but it isn't unusual for activity to slow down over time. Factors such as aging, relationship complacency, and hectic lifestyles contribute to the decline in sexual activity but overall, healthy relationships do not tend to go more than six months without sexual intimacy. A steady decline or sudden end of sexual activity may be an indicator of deeper issues; if not addressed, it may be the beginning of a sexless relationship. Sex-avoidant, or sexless couples, are on the rise. Recent studies have shown an increase in the amount of young couples experiencing less than average sexual intimacy in their relationships. A "sexless" relationship is defined as couples having intercourse fewer than ten times a year. It is estimated that nearly 20 million Americans in a relationship are completely sexually inactive.
Do you spend significant amounts of time on your computer, tablet or Smartphone? If you do, then like an increasing number of people, you may rely so fully upon one or all of these modes of communicating and connecting with the outside world that you might not be able to envision life without it. While you no doubt have a very real need for these devices in your daily life and work, is it possible that your reliance on them could be eroding the quality of your life, and in particular, your love life?
Is the time you spend online having an effect on your face to face connections? What happens to relationships when one partner finds themselves flirting with Facebook friends while the other partner would prefer to spend time with them? And how do relationships fare when one partner is late to bed because they would rather find romance online?
“Seduction can be broken down into an equation: 10% projection of success, 10% appearance, 10% intelligence, and 70% charm.”
Some people just seem to ooze sex appeal (think Samantha Jones and Christian Grey). Granted, those are fictional characters that both have a lot of experience under their belts, but don’t worry if you don’t—with a little coaching and practice, you will be radiating sexy in no time. The truth is we are all capable of being sexy. Like everything else in life that’s worth having or doing, it takes effort and dedication to perfect those skills. Whether you are trying to meet a stranger, or rekindle the art of seduction after years in a relationship, these are some guidelines to follow in perfecting your skillset.
Am I Normal?
As a sex therapist, I get a lot of questions from people wanting to know what is “normal.” People vary so widely in their sexual thoughts, attitudes and behavior that defining “what is normal” is difficult if not completely impossible. A good rule to follow about normalcy for you is: whatever you and your partner decide will be pleasurable for you both. This month, I’m sharing with you the most commonly asked questions, with some brief responses. Enjoy!