One of the trickiest things on the journey of consciously creating lives we love, as we commit to more deeply understanding how the process of creating our reality works in this vibrational universe, is this:
When things show up in our experience that we don’t want, our knee-jerk reaction is often to ask ourselves, “How did I create that?!” On the surface it’s a perfectly logical question, especially given that our intention IS to create consciously, rather than by default. We need to understand how it all works.
But what’s usually underneath our simple query for understanding is a judgment of whatever is in front of us as bad or wrong, and often a judgment of ourselves as having made some kind of mistake. Judgment creates vibrational static which interferes with the natural unfolding of what we want, so if we’re not aware of that vibration, asking the question can actually slow us down.
What I’ve learned is that, once we understand the fundamental dynamics of how our consciousness – the composite of our beliefs, thoughts, ideas, hopes, imaginings, assumptions, conclusions, etc. – creates our reality, we don’t need to analyze every unwanted manifestation to figure out what we did wrong. In fact, doing that only perpetuates a false belief in our wrongness, which can never lead us to the creation of a joy-filled life.
What we can do is lovingly invite insights to surface which further our understanding and – this is really important - even if no such insights arise, we can do something else: we can remind ourselves that it’s all good.
I can imagine what you might be thinking at this point. God knows I’ve raised my eyebrows a time or two when people have glibly uttered those words when something unwanted has occurred, and it seems to be a mere habit of speech – what I call a pasteover - rather than a genuine understanding.
But what if it IS a genuine understanding?
It can be. And if it is, that understanding can help us release resistance to the unwanted things showing up in our experience, which opens a vibrational path for more of what we want to flow to us.
I want to share with you an experience that one of my clients recently had to illustrate what I’m talking about. I’ve changed the name and other details that could reveal personal identity, but the elements I describe are representative of this person’s experience.
Daryl is a school teacher by profession who also has a natural gift for building and repairing things. He loves embarking on home improvement projects around the house, and because of his generous nature – and his love of the work - he often helps his friends with theirs.
Daryl’s friends almost always offer to pay for his labor on these projects in addition to reimbursing him for the cost of the materials, even though he’s not doing the work for money. In the beginning he refused their offers, but over time he has learned to accept them graciously. He lets his friends decide how much to give him. In the past two years or so, people have been referred to Daryl who are outside of his circle of friends. They see him as the accomplished craftsman that he is and insist on paying him fair market value for his work. Welcoming the additional income, Daryl began to say Yes to these opportunities, and through them he is beginning to recognize the immense value he’s actually providing.
He still helps his friends when he can. One of them, whom I’ll call Sandy, pays him significantly less than his other friends, and she asks him for help quite often. He admitted to me that each time he does work for her, a part of him feels a teensy bit resentful. Time and again, though, as he reflects on whether he’s genuinely willing to do work for Sandy at such reduced rates, he concludes that he is. Her friendship is invaluable to him and as long as he has the time and energy, he is happy to help her.
Recently, Daryl’s home improvement work has increased to the point where he’s considering doing it full-time. He’s no longer excited about teaching and would love for the work that lights him up to become his primary channel for income. He feels some internal pressure to talk to Sandy about charging her more for the work he continues doing for her regularly, but he just can’t bring himself to do it.
In our last session Daryl told me about a potential client who was recently referred to him with a substantial project they wanted him to take on. As he reviewed his calendar to see how and when he could accommodate their needs, he realized the timing would overlap with a smaller project Sandy had asked for his help with. He needed to make a choice.
And so he finally had the conversation with Sandy he had known in his heart of hearts he needed to have. He spoke truthfully to her about his desire to expand his home improvement work and his delight in attracting clients who were willing to pay fair market value for it. He explained that, because of the growth of what he now considered to be his business, he needed to prioritize the new client.
Not surprisingly, because of the gracious way he presented all of this to Sandy, and because of the strength of their relationship, she understood completely. She said she would be happy to pay him more and to work with him regarding the timing of projects.
Daryl could not have been more pleased with the outcome of that conversation.
Fast forward to a few days ago. Daryl emailed to tell me that the prospective client had chosen someone else for the work. He wondered how he’d created that and what the Universe was trying to tell him. I knew he was feeling a little wobbly about it all, otherwise he wouldn’t have reached out to me.
So I gently reminded him that the Universe always responds to our dominant vibration and that the underlying purpose of that response is a loving one. I also reminded him that it wouldn’t be helpful to go digging for the specific beliefs that generated this specific experience while he was feeling doubtful or frustrated, and I suggested that it likely reflected one of the following scenarios – or possibly two or three of them. Perhaps…
…his doubts about both his pricing and his ability to grow the business were stronger than he’d realized, and in reflecting those doubts back to him, this experience was helping him recognize his desire to stand more firmly and confidently in the value of his work.
deep down he had an intuitive knowing that this particular client wasn’t a good fit for him, and that knowing was stronger than his hope had been to secure the client.
its purpose was to provide the perfect synchronization of circumstances to prompt him to have the much-needed conversation with Sandy.
something else was on its way to him that’s even better than this specific opportunity.
Daryl could immediately see that, no matter what constellation of beliefs and thoughts was being reflected in this experience, the Universe is supporting him at all times and at every turn.
No matter what, he was expanding his awareness of his true desires, including his desire to work with clients who are ideally suited to his temperament and methods of working.
No matter what, he was learning to appreciate his skills and his talents more fully.
No matter what, he was seeing his fears and doubts more clearly and so had a choice about how to respond to them.
No matter what, he was deepening his trust in his intuition and in a loving Universe.
No matter what, good was coming through this.
In the recognition of these things all resistance was released, and Daryl understood that through the release, good would continue to flow.
As it can for all of us, as we release resistance to our present experience and stop assuming something has gone wrong.
I want to be clear that it’s tremendously helpful and, yes, necessary, to reflect on our experiences for the purpose of understanding the relationship between what we’re holding in our consciousness and what’s showing up in our lives. But it’s essential to do that with loving curiosity and a sincere desire to understand, not with a suspicious eye looking for all of the mistakes we’ve made that prove how inept we are.
And once we genuinely understand that relationship, we can move through unwanted experiences with more Grace and ease - and maybe even a little affectionate humor – rather than with painstaking critical analysis.
We can ask ourselves lovingly, “What good might be coming from this?” and invite our intuitive insights to arise.
We can allow the experience to reveal more clearly what we truly want.
We can use the experience as a reminder to take a break and do something delightful for ourselves.
We can remind ourselves that the Universe is always on our side, using every experience to celebrate our magnificence or awaken us further to it.
We can say to ourselves, “It’s all good.” And we can actually mean it