When someone first calls my office and requests treatment to help them with low sexual desire, or problems with sexual functioning,
one of the first questions I ask them is, “Have you already seen your doctor to have blood work done to rule out a possible medical condition?”
Sexual intimacy is an expected part of a modern day relationship—it is often seen as an expression of love and desire. Most couples are typically very sexual at the beginning of their relationship but it isn't unusual for activity to slow down over time. Factors such as aging, relationship complacency, and hectic lifestyles contribute to the decline in sexual activity but overall, healthy relationships do not tend to go more than six months without sexual intimacy. A steady decline or sudden end of sexual activity may be an indicator of deeper issues; if not addressed, it may be the beginning of a sexless relationship. Sex-avoidant, or sexless couples, are on the rise. Recent studies have shown an increase in the amount of young couples experiencing less than average sexual intimacy in their relationships. A "sexless" relationship is defined as couples having intercourse fewer than ten times a year. It is estimated that nearly 20 million Americans in a relationship are completely sexually inactive.
Do you spend significant amounts of time on your computer, tablet or Smartphone? If you do, then like an increasing number of people, you may rely so fully upon one or all of these modes of communicating and connecting with the outside world that you might not be able to envision life without it. While you no doubt have a very real need for these devices in your daily life and work, is it possible that your reliance on them could be eroding the quality of your life, and in particular, your love life?
Is the time you spend online having an effect on your face to face connections? What happens to relationships when one partner finds themselves flirting with Facebook friends while the other partner would prefer to spend time with them? And how do relationships fare when one partner is late to bed because they would rather find romance online?
“Seduction can be broken down into an equation: 10% projection of success, 10% appearance, 10% intelligence, and 70% charm.”
Some people just seem to ooze sex appeal (think Samantha Jones and Christian Grey). Granted, those are fictional characters that both have a lot of experience under their belts, but don’t worry if you don’t—with a little coaching and practice, you will be radiating sexy in no time. The truth is we are all capable of being sexy. Like everything else in life that’s worth having or doing, it takes effort and dedication to perfect those skills. Whether you are trying to meet a stranger, or rekindle the art of seduction after years in a relationship, these are some guidelines to follow in perfecting your skillset.
Am I Normal?
As a sex therapist, I get a lot of questions from people wanting to know what is “normal.” People vary so widely in their sexual thoughts, attitudes and behavior that defining “what is normal” is difficult if not completely impossible. A good rule to follow about normalcy for you is: whatever you and your partner decide will be pleasurable for you both. This month, I’m sharing with you the most commonly asked questions, with some brief responses. Enjoy!